Sad start of the day.

After Ages I'm posting something in day light. After spending entire night reading emails. I got the matter for my post, it's been long I'm out on the roads travelling living a hobo life forgetting the family factor of life.
What's the reason? One should be man of words, man of promises. Its time to be strongly stable on the promise, So I am.
Sometimes I feel this life is Really good for me. What's the point of Spending life having a bed of eight by eight when you can't sleep at night. Even now I don't sleep, but I'm not wasting its utility. Complaining to life or finding lack points would be a looser thing.

"That I'm not
But unfortunately I am"

The only person I kept higher than me, even that showed I'm below her. All Game of Life
I will live to optimum now. The only thing makes me laugh is word "Love" 555+. I hate to hear this word especially from you, for me or for anyother human being, caring for words was never there in your nature.
I saw a movie In February last if im not Wrong, there was a beautiful Saying by my favourite. here it goes

There are four questions of value in life...
What is sacred?
Of what is the spirit made?
What is worth living for,
and what is worth dying for?
The answer to each is the same. Only love.

I believe the Last Question is most Meaningful including its answer, now Let me pay you for the Love. I've been disappointed with me Family and someone particular. "Vishal" How Dare you? You never Follows my word I told you to keep everyone quite but you yourself Screwing things this way. Leave her alone Nowwwww
Blaming or Sparing is in the hands of one who Suffered, others should keep their asses out.

Paa neevin kolon langh jana,
Main akh tere wall nai chakkni!

Jo apne vichale wahi tun,
Main bhull k leek nai tappni!

Yaari da lekha jokha tun ,
Jad marji kar layin ni balliye!

Gam rakh laye teri “Gran” ne,
Teri hor cheej koi nai rakhni!

Hath ucchian attarian nu paya naion jana,
Tun tan teesan wala ber, sathon laya naion jana!

Taithon rahe khade nazar milayi naion jani,
Saathon agge ho ho k bulaya naion jana!

Taithon shohratan di uchi kandh tapp naion honi,
Saathon palla badnami ton chhudaya naion jana!

Ik nadi de kinare “Mehra” kadon milde,
Ni tein jaan k nai aauna te saathon aya naion jana!

And here is the meaning of it in English,
I shall keep looking down and cross you,
But won’t raise my eyes and look at you!
The line of seperation that you have drawn between us,
I shall not pass over it even by mistake!
Whenever you feel like, come and do the audit of this love that who got what,
I have just kept all the pains given by you, nothing else of you I shall keep with me!
It would be impossible to touch the sky scrappers for me!
You are a fruit over the most tallest branch which is far from my reach!
You won’t be able to look into my eyes standing over the road,
I won’t step forward and call you!
You won’t be able to jump over the wall of fortune of yours,
And I won’t be able to get rid of the insult that I have faced!
You won’t come by wish,
And I won’t be able to come because of my helplessness

> Disappointed

Speechless

At times, you come across some thing which just shakes you and leaves you speechless! To do so, the writing must be really good and should be depicting the emotion, whatever it may be, really well. And there is no other emotion better than pain. And when the pain is not just any other pain but the pain that one gets from their beloved, there is just nothing which can match its intensity, its deepness. That pain, those cries, those tears which come in the eyes all of a sudden when you are sitting alone thinking about some painful words that were said to you by none other than your beloved, some things done by your beloved which did hurt you so much but they still did them despite knowing that they are hurting you, there are not many things or words, which can explain that pain truly. Yes all this and much much more is there which just can’t be explained with any wording. I came across such a poetic masterpiece few days back and got spell bounded by it.

These lines depict the pain of heart broken guy saying these lines to his beloved who have left him and gone. Though she has given him nothing but pains, nothing but cries, still he loves and cares for her and is asking her to write back to him when she would feel that pain herself too. The whole poetry is just mind blowing but it would need a lot to understand, feel the pain hidden behind the words. If you have not tasted those tears of pain, probably you may just read it like any other poetry and it would not make any difference for you. But if you have already been through (and still there) in those valleys of  pain, you would understand truly what these lines are saying. If these all doesn’t make any sense for you, I would suggest to still read them again and again and I am sure, at some point, you would realize how much pain they are hiding within them?
Its in Punjabi and I shall translate it in English too. Have a read first of the Punjabi version,

Bhulekhe naal je mein yaad aayaa taan likhee meinu
kite mehndi de rangaan ne jalaayaa taan likhee meinu!

Havaa de vaang mein vi ikk bhatkadaa khaab is tera,
kite is ne achaanak aa jagaayaa taan likhee meinu!

Nahin mildee muhabbat jadon lorh hundee hei is dee
kade ese tasuvar ne sataayaa taan likhee meinu!

Mein taan maaruthalaan dee ret daa hi ikk musafir haan
je meree peirh ‘chon rukh punghar aayaa taan likhee meinu!

Barhe change see oh din khedade see ralke jad aapaan
kade is yaad ne tenu rulaayaa taan likhee meinu!

Je mein tere khyaalaan vich aje vee haan kite baakee
kade izhaar dil ne karnaa chahyaa taan likhee meinu!

Samen da har sitam manzorr hei “Mehra” nu ae yaaraa
magar je is ne tera dil dukhaayaa taan likhee meinu!

By: Sukhdarshan Dhaliwal

And here is its translation in English,

If by any chance, you would recall me, write to me,
If ever colors of Henna would burn you, write to me!

Like thin air, I was too just a stray dream of yours,
If some one would come and wake you up from that dream, write to me!

One doesn’t get love when he needs it the most,
If ever this thought would come and trouble you, write to me!

I am just a lonely traveler over sands of deserts,
If ever some thing would grow that path I traveled, write to me!

Those were just the best days when we used to play together,
If ever that memory would hurt you, write to me!

If I am still alive in your thoughts some where,
And if you ever wish to express those thoughts, write to me!

I am ready to face any punishment given by the hands of this destiny,
But if it ever comes and hurts you, write to me!

Signing off --
05:40+ Am

Pain Of Love Written With Truly Awesome Precision….

At times, some lines, some poetries depict truly what you are feeling. It doesn’t happen very often though! I happened to be in a very bad and upsetting mood today and what I saw in my mail left me with this.
Well, If you have ever been hurt by your loved ones, ever it happened that love has hurt you, leaving you just a body without soul who appears to be alive but actually its dead, you would love it! Unfortunately, I don’t know who is the writer of this poetry so I would urge if anyone knows, do let me know via comments and I shall put his/her name here because credit must go where its due! The actual poetry is a mix of Hindi and Urdu. I shall put the English translation as well.

Ye kaun doob gaya aur ubhaar gaya mujh mein,
Yun kaun saaye ki suraat guzar gaya mujh mein!

Ye kis ke sog main shorida-haal phirta hun,
Wo kuan shakhs tha aisa k mar gaya mujh mein!

Ajab hawa-e-baharaa ne chara-saazi ki,
Wo zakhm jis ko na bharana tha bhar gaya mujh mein!

Wo shaqs jo pathhar sa jee raha hai abhi,
Jo aaina tha wo bikhar gaya mujh mein!

Misaal kya k wo jab bhi kareeb say guzara,
Yun laga k koi raqs kar gaya mujh main!

Wo saath tha to ajab dhuup chaaon rehti thi,
Bas ab to ek hi mausam thehar gaya mujh mein!

And here is the translation of it in English,
This is who who has sinked inside and reflecting in me?
Who is this who has touched me like a shadow!

In whose mourns I am lost and wandering desperate for love,
Who was that person inside me who is just dead now!

That person who appears to be alive is like a stone now,
That mirror is broken now which used to be inside of mine!

What to say, when she walked beside me,
It felt that inside of mine started dancing!

When she was with me, this sunshine and shadow appeared like a magic,
Now just one weather only is there inside of mine!

I really have very strong feeling that I have done a terribly bad job in the translation. So if any corrections are there, please feel free to let them come. About the poem, I don’t think I am capable to say any single word. If you have not tasted the pains of love yet, you may find it nothing. But if you have tasted the tears of your own eyes given not by anyone else but your love, I am sure you would like it! For me.

Hope you would like just as much as I did!

Still Living !!

I've been lost? Yes, I know I apologise but having a strong reason for not being available. As you all know my chest been in bad condition since the year started but in last some days ache reached Bad to worst, it even resulted in breathing problem day before.
I've been resting on bed whole day, thats the reason being an owl I'm up at this Clock strike. Pain is Gone I punctured myself with an injection and that wasnt appropriate, because of it my hand is swelling now.
I must get my earning as soon as possible and continue the AS course its symptoms are reaching the upper body.
Enough of my haal, I'm alive for now
You guys live well & do reach me before I die.
Granmehra@gmail.com
Only option, No Cell no contact

The Story of Gran SD "which Can't be Narrated"

Some times, even when you give all your love to someone, give her all the love, care, affection that is possible, yet she picks up her Unloyalty than you. Even though you cry in front of her because of all what she did, she still doesn’t care a bit even about it and without any shame tells you that she has nothing to do with you, your tears don’t mean anything, it hurts! It hurts way much more than words can describe or voice can narrate! Yet some times, you come across such incidents, poetries which just depict that pain flawlessly. If you ever got hurt by your own love even when you loved her more than anything else in this world, you would love the following lines. Have a read,

Jab Kabhi chahe andheron me ujale usne,
Kar diya ghar mera sholon ke hawale usne!

Us pe khul jati mere shaunq ki shiddat sari,
Dekhe hote jo mere paon ke chaale usne!

Jis ka har aieb zamane se chupaya maine,
Mere kisse Sar-E-Bazar uchale usne!

Jab usey meri mohabbat par bharosa hi na tha,
Kyon diye meri wafaon ke hawale usne!

Ek mera hath hi na thama us ne ” SD “
Warna girtey to kitne hi sambhale usne!

And here is the translation of it in English,
Whenever she wanted light for her,
She just  lit my home on fire!

She would had understood the intensity of my love,
If she would had seen the wounds over my feet!

Whose every sin, every wrong thing, I did hide from this world,
She only went and spoke bad about me to the entire world!

When she never had faith over my love,
Why did she gave references of it to all?

It is just me whose hand she didn’t hold,
Otherwise she did give shoulder to many others!

I don’t think that there is anything that I can write to add something to it. As I said, some pains are not capable to be told in words, some wounds are not visible from outside and some tears don’t come out from eyes. Only those who have felt those pains, who have been hurt by their loved ones, only they can feel that what happens when none other than that person whom you loved so much hurts you and still feels no regret for doing so but claims that is right! It seems people forget that in love, its not “I” but “us” and its not “my happiness” but “ours”!

Zikr tere Mere LAFZAN che.

Some times, there are some things which are not explainable by words. Even when one tries really hard enough to explain through wording, all those efforts just fail. If you are thinking that what can be such emotion which is not explainable by words than the answer of that is pain. Out of all, only pain is that such emotion which even words can’t describe properly. And when that pain is given to one by that person whom he loved more than his own self than it becomes even more harder to tell someone what’s the reason of those tears which at times come in the eyes. Its not possible to explain in any words that why one feels alone even when the whole world is there? Its not possible to express that pain caused by those broken pieces of heart which pierce into the soul all the time reminding that this is the punishment of trusting, loving , caring for some one for whom love was not much than a wardrobe which one wears for some time and after that, just throws away in a corner. Only that person can truly understand this who has tasted the same poison. Those who cause this pain and these tears to others, for them its nothing and they never can understand even what it feels like to hide in the corner of your room and cry when you see that someone who is having wounds, not on his body but on his soul, how would you see those hidden pains? How you would look beyond what’s visible? The answer of this lies in those eyes which despite being quite will reveal it all. Look in those eyes who would tell you that when pains go beyond the limits of tolerance, how would one feel? Don’t get fooled by the smile of someone. Remember, smile can be fade but eyes never tell a lie, even when you want them to do so!

I got the following lines in an email. I am not sure who wrote these lines but I must say that whosoever did it, has done it in just an awesome manner! What that heart feels who got crushed under the feet of that person whom it was keeping safe inside of it,  is explained just so very beautifully here. These are in Hindi and I have attempted to explain the meaning in English as well.
Have a read, first in Hindi,

Mujhe aazmaane waale, mujhe aazma k roye,
Meri daastaan-e-hasrat suna suna k roye!

Teri bewafaion par, teri kaj adaion par,
Kabhi sar jhuka kar, kabhi munh chhupa kar roye!

Jo suani anjumann mein shab-e-gham ki aapbeeti,
Kabhi ro k muskraye, kabhi muskra k roye!

Main hun bin Dil musafir, naam mera Mehra hai,
Mera koi bhi nahin jo gala laga k roye!

Mere paas se guzare mujhe undekha kar k,
Main yeh kaise maan lun k wo duur ja kar roye!

And here is the meaning of it in English,
Those who wanted to test me, after testing me they cried,
While reciting my tale, every moment they cried!

At times on your betrayals, at time on your unfaithful attitude,
I cried some time with my head down, some time covering my face!

When I depicted my tale of the sad night,
Smiled some times after crying, some times cried after smiles!

I am no one, my name is curse,
There is no one whom I can hug and cry!

She passed by side without even looking at me,
How can I believe she did cry after going at some distance!

I have only few days and there is still a lot left for me to do. I am done with my evening meal and now, a busy-yet-not-busy evening continues.

Sanu Har Thaan Rajj Ke Bhandeya Tu,
Kayi Vaar Naagne Dangeya Tu,

Koi Zulma Di Vi Hadh Hundi Kitho Tak Banda Jar Janda,
Jinne Dukh Saanu Tu Ditte Ni Koi Hor Hunda Te Mar Janda.

Kayi Vaar Tu Mode Khat Saade, Kayi Vaar Nishaniya Mangiya Tu,
Manaiyan Sda Hi Kr-Kr Ke Sab Sadhra Sooli Tangiya Tu,

Assi Pyaar De Vich Sab Seh Laiyan Hunda Hor Kinara Kar Janda,
Jinne Dukh Saanu Tu Ditte Ni Koi Hor Hunda Te Mar Janda.

Tu Saadi ae bas Saadi ae Assi Maan Tere Te Kardey Rahe,
Saada Sda Majak Udaya Tu Assi Oh Vi Hass Hass Jarde Rahe,

Tainu Pyaar Na Kreya Je Hunda Har Dosh Tere Ser Dhar Janda,
Jinne Dukh Saanu Tu Ditte Ni Koi Hor Hunda Te Mar Janda.

Har Waqt Sochde Rehne Aa Ki Pyaar Saade Vich Khaami Si,
Dene Si Zakham Je "mehra" Nu Pehla Ni Bharni Haami Si,

Tutteya Dil Roe Hi Sakda Ae Jado Jitt Ke Baazi Har Janda,
Jinne Dukh Saanu Tu Ditte Ni Koi Hor Hunda Te Mar Janda.

It's one of my Favourite Track. It goes so true on you and on me too afterall it artist is of my known, I can’t call him my friend but yes a Good known.
He is one of the best Slow Romantic singer, I used to talk to him but since long I'm not in touch with him. His words makes me go through those 3 months and 3 years of my False hope.
Some words are with so much Depth that their translation is impossible. Work under maintenance.

Finally baba ji got me here.

Ik tere sahara mil jae Daata duniya di Parwaah na karda. I Wish to stay here for whole life even after death. All Gurudware gives same satisfaction I don't compare but here I feel like being home. See u got me here

Being Sad, Upset & Shattered

1:35 Am I don't think it's a bad time to start Writing but swearing there's nothing on my mind, Heart Is Disturbed still the mind is transparent with no thoughts. I'm trying to give it a Chance to live back, Once Again!

Jitni shiddatt se mujhe usne zakhm diye hain,
Itni shiddatt se to maine use chaha bhi na tha!

And here is its meaning in English,
With the  intensity she gave me all the wounds,
I even didn’t love her with that intensity!

I tried to sleep but I can’t. Those few who know me well, they are aware about this that its not a new thing to be heard for them. I don’t know whether its right or not to say because someone said to me that its too early to mention it but I feel, this year has not started well. I may be wrong but that’s what the feeling in my heart is at the moment and I am so wishing that this must be incorrect because I'm running out of energy to face things I am facing already!

I met one other friend of mine after a long time, who has lost himself completely, thanks to his gal who very “easily” broke his heart, found someone else and now is getting married to him! He is crushed! While talking to me today, I guess, almost in every 2 minutes he was stopping to make sure that he won’t cry in front of me! But I could feel a lump in his throat all the time. I didn’t know what to say to him except this that don’t cry! I wanted to say that it would be fine but it sounded like a white lie and I just couldn’t say it at all! Its never going to be fine with him I know for sure!

I don’t have words to explain what’s going on inside me.All I can say that today,  being sad, upset and shattered is something which took over me completely and I can’t see any way out from their grip at the moment as well!
Today wasn’t any exception as I am  feeling so weak. By the time I am back in the hotel, I am in the position that I can fall anywhere. May be its too much roaming around that I am doing since last months. Not sure what is there? So what’s the exception that I am writing at  midnight today, you may ask! well, no other reason but that same, I can’t sleep. After spending almost 3 hours on the back, turning upside down, there is no sleep in my eyes. There are so many thoughts in the mind, so many things going on that even though I am feeling so damn tired, I am still not able to get sleep for few moments even! I have to reach CP tomorrow but lack of bucks will be creating problem, I must checkout hotel room tomorrow. I can't afford another night stay here, I'm fond of few moments eye closed rest nothing more.

So what to do when you are not able to sleep? Read poetry and listen to music! I am doing the same right now despite knowing that its not going to get me sleep but will make me more awake! And sometimes, you get across something which shakes your soul even. I don’t know to call me lucky or unlucky that at this moment when I was already not able to sleep and was getting bombarded with painful thoughts, I came across a playlist of Sadsongs!

Naveyan de sang jado langi sadey kol di,
Ni tu ki jane dil te jo beetiyan
Aakhda Mehrean da Gran dub janiye ni tu saade naal changiyan ni keetiyan.
Je tu karna si kalle nu laachar Vairne kyun laiyaan
Chad jana si adh vich kaar Vairne kyun laiyaan.

There was a time my madness was on heights. Broken expectations gave a back breaking fall in life. At a time all the romantics were for me but now the full section of Sad romantics accepts to me to be in them, to imagine my love life in them.

Na jaane dhoondtey ho Kya meri viraan aankhon Mein,
Chupa rakhe Hum ne to kayi tufaan aankhon Mein!

Kahan who shokhiyan pehlay Si,ab kuch bhi nahin baaqi,
Chale aaye ho tum Kya khojne in be-jaan aankhon mein!

Kisi ka haath lekar haath mein jab tum mile hum se,
To kaise toot ke bikhra tha mera mann aankhon mein!

Na samjho chup hain to tum se koi shikwa nahi baaqi,
Hum apne dard Ki nahi rakhte koi pehchaan aankhon mein!

Mile the baad muddat k humein tum ajnabi ban Kar,
To kaise dard na Uthte meri hairaan aankhon mein!

Nahi ab phir se Koi raafta rakhne se kuch haasil,
Ke ab dafna diye hum ne sabhi armaan in aankhon Mein!

And here is the translation in English for the same,
Not sure what you are looking for in my lonely eyes,
There are just so many storms hidden beneath these eyes!

There is no innocence left in these eyes anymore,there is nothing else left,
What you have come to look for in these lifeless eyes!

When holding hands of someone else you met me,
You don’t know how did my heart crushed into pieces beneath these eyes!

Don’t think that if I am silent, there are no grudges for you,
No signs of my pain I keep anymore in these eyes!

When even after so long, you met me like a complete stranger,
Than how come pain won’t come in my surprised eyes!

There is no benefit of keeping anything now,
As I have just buried all of my wishes beneath these eyes!

I don’t know what else I should add to above said? I guess this world is now full of those for whom, their own self matters the most than anyone else, including those as well who love them, care for them! May be that’s why people don’t really look beyond what they think is right for them, even when it may mean to break someone’s heart like breaking a cup of tea. Anyways, all I know is that if there are many who don’t even think for a moment before leaving their beloved ones for what their own wishes and benefits(me), there are still few who have left the whole world for that one person whom they loved truly, madly and deeply(me?). That’s another fact altogether that out of those very few, there are again some very very selective lucky ones who got someone who understood this gesture of them. For the rest of the people, tears, pains and cries become their soul mates for the eternity and that’s what is the fortune of most who does the crime of being in love!

Tasveer khichwao ohna naal, jihna nu tusin v yaad ravo!
Jihna naal khichande saare, ohna naal khichan da ki faida!

And its meaning is,
you should get  a snap with that person who also is going to remember you and your name. What’s the worth of getting one with that person with whom entire world takes one and he doesn’t know even the name of any of them?
True isn’t it?

Don't let your hopes destroyed by those who are without it.

I never know what my life is, why im still alive, no reason to suffer or survive. Living a life with no one Ahead or behind so alone so lonely. But its best I don't have to share my secrests, pains, problems with anyone. Where I am? I'm not aware of anything
At a her Place, I guess. Here "Her" is my friend, my heads is killing since so long & Don't know where is she I don't have her No. wants to talk to her

Abhi zameer mein thodi si jaan baaqi hai,
Abhi humara koi imetehaan baaqi hai!

And its meaning in English is,

There is some what life left in my  conscience of mine,
There are still tests that I have to go through

After spending a night sleeping on bed after so long feels relax, Idiot girl locked me with facilities. She called doctor he gave another good news I have high BP and severe migraine attack should I thank her or fight but all help with kind heart are to be accepted.

A tribute to some mentioned in my blogs name

Uske sapnon ko poora karne ki zidd thi meri,
Usne azaadi maangi aur maine khud ko mita diya!

And here is its translation in Engish,

I was committed to make her every single dream come true,
She asked from me freedom and I got myself destroyed!

just another sad love post

After spending Sleepless last night sitting on roadside and watching the dawn at morning it made my heart light but that relief doesn't lasted for long. She is Pretty powerful and second most influencing person after my Baba ji.
Ik numbr te assi rabb nu si rakheya
Dooje numbr te ni mai naam tera jappeya
Rabb de barabar di jagah na tu samjhi
Hor das peeche ki sawaal reh gaya.

Day been pity shit I must say (No study, No work)but head still full of nonsense. I remember someone once told me "a Person can work 4 times better if he is angry" but for me even this fails I'm not able to find any point to get angry, my anger starts with my decreasing self respect through the negative phase of my self respect, it ends up with a laugh on my face with the thought of killing myself. I felt as someone missing me but I guess that would be no other than my mom.
I'm blind or a dumbass I myself don't know. I guess being a Non-abusive or non-harassing partner are an omen to you that your relation won't last for long, Being a loyal heart world will return you with a many hearts but in pieces. I've lived my life of a lover and have got what never wanted but thats what all have to ever got.

Not in mood to lead it more, took more than 12 hours to right this. :(