1:35 Am I don't think it's a bad time to start Writing but swearing there's nothing on my mind, Heart Is Disturbed still the mind is transparent with no thoughts. I'm trying to give it a Chance to live back, Once Again!
Jitni shiddatt se mujhe usne zakhm diye hain,
Itni shiddatt se to maine use chaha bhi na tha!
And here is its meaning in English,
With the intensity she gave me all the wounds,
I even didn’t love her with that intensity!
I tried to sleep but I can’t. Those few who know me well, they are aware about this that its not a new thing to be heard for them. I don’t know whether its right or not to say because someone said to me that its too early to mention it but I feel, this year has not started well. I may be wrong but that’s what the feeling in my heart is at the moment and I am so wishing that this must be incorrect because I'm running out of energy to face things I am facing already!
I met one other friend of mine after a long time, who has lost himself completely, thanks to his gal who very “easily” broke his heart, found someone else and now is getting married to him! He is crushed! While talking to me today, I guess, almost in every 2 minutes he was stopping to make sure that he won’t cry in front of me! But I could feel a lump in his throat all the time. I didn’t know what to say to him except this that don’t cry! I wanted to say that it would be fine but it sounded like a white lie and I just couldn’t say it at all! Its never going to be fine with him I know for sure!
I don’t have words to explain what’s going on inside me.All I can say that today, being sad, upset and shattered is something which took over me completely and I can’t see any way out from their grip at the moment as well!
Today wasn’t any exception as I am feeling so weak. By the time I am back in the hotel, I am in the position that I can fall anywhere. May be its too much roaming around that I am doing since last months. Not sure what is there? So what’s the exception that I am writing at midnight today, you may ask! well, no other reason but that same, I can’t sleep. After spending almost 3 hours on the back, turning upside down, there is no sleep in my eyes. There are so many thoughts in the mind, so many things going on that even though I am feeling so damn tired, I am still not able to get sleep for few moments even! I have to reach CP tomorrow but lack of bucks will be creating problem, I must checkout hotel room tomorrow. I can't afford another night stay here, I'm fond of few moments eye closed rest nothing more.
So what to do when you are not able to sleep? Read poetry and listen to music! I am doing the same right now despite knowing that its not going to get me sleep but will make me more awake! And sometimes, you get across something which shakes your soul even. I don’t know to call me lucky or unlucky that at this moment when I was already not able to sleep and was getting bombarded with painful thoughts, I came across a playlist of Sadsongs!
Naveyan de sang jado langi sadey kol di,
Ni tu ki jane dil te jo beetiyan
Aakhda Mehrean da Gran dub janiye ni tu saade naal changiyan ni keetiyan.
Je tu karna si kalle nu laachar Vairne kyun laiyaan
Chad jana si adh vich kaar Vairne kyun laiyaan.
There was a time my madness was on heights. Broken expectations gave a back breaking fall in life. At a time all the romantics were for me but now the full section of Sad romantics accepts to me to be in them, to imagine my love life in them.
Na jaane dhoondtey ho Kya meri viraan aankhon Mein,
Chupa rakhe Hum ne to kayi tufaan aankhon Mein!
Kahan who shokhiyan pehlay Si,ab kuch bhi nahin baaqi,
Chale aaye ho tum Kya khojne in be-jaan aankhon mein!
Kisi ka haath lekar haath mein jab tum mile hum se,
To kaise toot ke bikhra tha mera mann aankhon mein!
Na samjho chup hain to tum se koi shikwa nahi baaqi,
Hum apne dard Ki nahi rakhte koi pehchaan aankhon mein!
Mile the baad muddat k humein tum ajnabi ban Kar,
To kaise dard na Uthte meri hairaan aankhon mein!
Nahi ab phir se Koi raafta rakhne se kuch haasil,
Ke ab dafna diye hum ne sabhi armaan in aankhon Mein!
And here is the translation in English for the same,
Not sure what you are looking for in my lonely eyes,
There are just so many storms hidden beneath these eyes!
There is no innocence left in these eyes anymore,there is nothing else left,
What you have come to look for in these lifeless eyes!
When holding hands of someone else you met me,
You don’t know how did my heart crushed into pieces beneath these eyes!
Don’t think that if I am silent, there are no grudges for you,
No signs of my pain I keep anymore in these eyes!
When even after so long, you met me like a complete stranger,
Than how come pain won’t come in my surprised eyes!
There is no benefit of keeping anything now,
As I have just buried all of my wishes beneath these eyes!
I don’t know what else I should add to above said? I guess this world is now full of those for whom, their own self matters the most than anyone else, including those as well who love them, care for them! May be that’s why people don’t really look beyond what they think is right for them, even when it may mean to break someone’s heart like breaking a cup of tea. Anyways, all I know is that if there are many who don’t even think for a moment before leaving their beloved ones for what their own wishes and benefits(me), there are still few who have left the whole world for that one person whom they loved truly, madly and deeply(me?). That’s another fact altogether that out of those very few, there are again some very very selective lucky ones who got someone who understood this gesture of them. For the rest of the people, tears, pains and cries become their soul mates for the eternity and that’s what is the fortune of most who does the crime of being in love!
Tasveer khichwao ohna naal, jihna nu tusin v yaad ravo!
Jihna naal khichande saare, ohna naal khichan da ki faida!
And its meaning is,
you should get a snap with that person who also is going to remember you and your name. What’s the worth of getting one with that person with whom entire world takes one and he doesn’t know even the name of any of them?
True isn’t it?
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