Being high is never baseless!!

Hi lovely people! 

Its been almost 6 months since my last publish, I have been trying to summarise my thoughts but believe me my brain-disk is fucked. Even small things seem like chemistry  equation to remember. A last minute thought so just to save it from getting fade. I thought, why not paraphrase it on white background for a real-time. For focus- I have Taare by Sabar koti playing on loop 3:44 on the wall, with enough poison in veins to get it done, It wouldn't be that tough now. 

It’s 7th repeat on loop now... So!

Meri soch che tera Khyaal na hove

Aahi teri soch ni

Bhula daiye tenu jiven, likheya mitata 

Aa enna koi saukha vi ni

Peende’ si peende’ aa Peendey’ rehanga 

Etto door rehn da chad de koi mauka hi ni

Tu ta mildi hundi si oddo har Sanivar nu

Hun es din dendi’ koi nava dhokha vi ni!! 

Tuhi banata mitata, uthata digaata, Suvata jagata;

Gran kivei na karu tera dhnwaad kure !! 

Tenu kuch kehya ni 2 saala che, takeya tera Chehra ni; kehnda hou tenu maada?

Jehn MEHRA’ da Enna Fokka vi ni

Aape dob ke aap lehra toh puchdi ae,

Mai Suneya saada haal gairan toh puchdi ae...

Saal 2 lag gaye, 5 7 hor kat jaane

Yaad ne teriyan gallan, pasand ni tere laare

Chal changa kitta tu hi sikhata mainu 

Hunda khud nu karna badnaam enna SUAKHA VI NI !!

Life has been through drastic changes recently, priorities changed needs changed. Last minutes thought before falling asleep is the moment I wait for, all day. Its been month no visit to gurudwara been a week no shabd as well. But it's nice to see people, unexpected stopping by to check. Siyane sahi kende aa ikko thaa sekh kinni der labbu, sooraj keda tik ke bainda.

I will try to be active going forward as promised every time. Busy on some plans- See you then !!

Stopped by for a mention !!

After a long time and remarkable lacerate year trying to write again, feeling and sparkless. Someone !! happy face reminded me of my publishes' & found them worth reading. She just forgot to mention time waste. AJ
I had promised her that i would look back at it & with left senses, I would try to paraphrase something out of me. I don't have a physical journal to write my daily thoughts but the heart-drive is still in functioning state. I had been thinking thinking & thinking for a year. But no rage ever blown out.

It has been a year today,

Saade karke ucchi ho gayi oh
Ohne umbaron taare tod laye, 
Saadiya kushiyan de rastey
Ohne apne ghar val mod laye,
Assi neeve aa oh kehndi
Ohde layak nayi,

Satho tod ke rishtey ohne
Ucheya de sang jod laye. - 10th February,2019.

Some people turn around while other moves on, some doesn't give a fuck about and many have gone through collateral damage. But i had left this decision with my heart, which is yet laying pending status. Still awaiting for the light to change.

"Odhe layi ta kuch vi ni si badlan layi
Sade naal kuj bacheya ni ohde badal'n toh"

Whenever anyone used to ask me about my situation i used to state that "I can be penalized only until i am enjoying it. But now it has turned back on me the fun of being penalized just doesn't end. or have I started enjoying it?

I had forgot mention what's so special about today. Last year same day was the last time when i was with her, last day that was on my name. Twining days doesn't vanish away but people does.
My situation here resembles some movie dialogue."Company ka diwala nikal gaya fir bhi munaafe mei chalri hai".

I have been through much lately and taken more than it meant was for. Let's not dig deeper, I would like to take a lyrically leave now, song by Garry Sandhu is one I would love to share here as it have a situational resemblance with me.

"Kasma Vaade Kha Ke Tur Gayi
Joothe Larre La Ke Tur Gayi
Jinniya Dittiya Khushiyan Menu
Vadh Ohtu Tadpa Ke Tur Gayi
Sab Toh Vadh C Maan Jide Te
Bhull Mere Jazbaat Gayi

Oh Din Gaye Oh Raat Gayi
Oh Pyaar'n Wali Baat Gayi... 


if I find anything else out of me that is worth sharing, you would find another post here. Until then Live Well !! 

Reviving very soon. . .

Finally a return back !! A Year, a couple of month, two week & 2 days as well.

Hey Guys!!
Been really long, apology for being lost. I've been in search for a reason to return i guess that reason is Delhi police. Yeah !! department of Delhi police.
Last year 7th June, I misplaced my cell phone and its been one year two months & 16 days they recovered my cellphone today, that's a really appreciating job done by Delhi Police & Mr. Commissioner. As i got the same device back i wanted to continue some undone jobs too, So I'm Here...

I'm so empty with my thoughts like my cell phone battery (11%) no thoughts & totally changed life. This year passed so unfavourable to me, half time sick other time resting over it. Core of life is exactly the same & i Promise to stay stickied to the original theme of the blog... Even the thoughts are dormant now but for now i would love to share a single breathe para' (rap) hope you like ...

Kash Tu Hoti Main Tujhko Batata
Sina Mera Cher dil Tujhko Dikhata
Nibhata Wadde Vo Sare
Jo Hathon ko Leke In Hathon Me
Tune Kaha Tha
Aadat Nai Mujhko Rone Ki
Par Aankho Se Aansu Fisal Jatte Hain
Na Karna Chahu Par Batton Me Aksar
Tere hi kisse nikal aate hain...

Its no Great saying neither associated with some Great person. But i have been listening to it since the evening on one - repeat mode.
Well time to sign off

"Adhi Raat Hoyi Ohdi Yaddan Ne
Mainu Kher Leya
Aaj Fer Tere Khat
Padh K Dardan Nu Ched Leya..."

Tunning back on special Occasion

Hey viewers been almost a year, I haven't posted a Single post. I was thinking since long to return back here...
This day is just perfect i guess its my friends birthday, its Naina's Birthday. People don't take wrong idea she is different Naina not the oldie one. You can follow her Twitter.com/mehra_naina she is my best friend & my only Surname friend...
#HappiestBirthdaySweetheart
Your just so Amazing, new year strikes on 1 January every year but your year Starts on 18th or March. Its a new start, a new age, more experience, a lot to do all the above you have to party hard its your Birthday birthday month : )
The year you were born marks only your entry into the world. Other years where you prove your worth, they are the ones worth celebrating & you have already proved yourself to be the best.

Some famous sayings for you.
# Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Your than You.

# Let go of all the regrets you had,
Let go of all the pain,
There is a long way to go,
So forget about your gain,
Just enjoy your life,
Because that is the only way to survive

Godblessyou

Only you Can Value my Heart.

Its Dawn soon sun will come up. I dint slept the whole night waiting for what I don't know actually I set my mind free from useless expectations & expectations of those who themselves never expected anything from anyone, Because someone with a feelful heart can't let someone so down. " Koi ni " are only words I say about it. No comments

IF I WOULD HAVE AUCTIONED, I HAD HEART OF THOUSANDS
But. I'M THE ONLY ONE TO MAKE IT OF TOES AND SANDS.

Non rhythmic, yeah might be, I'm just a word player not a poet. I do believe that sometimes my
Words sucks but this time theit meaning I dont know but they goes really good on me.
Well another for you guys, audience is Really essential to all, from an illusionist to a bible reader.

Beeti Gal dohrai, akhran wich Likheya.
Jaddo ishhq numesha lagiyan, sada dil bekeya.
Hor mod fer lae laye, Saadi ishq kahani ne.
Chir pichon chette kareya, us Marjaani ne.

Its Friday morning Sun burst out the Dawn Clouds. And I have completed the post heart is answering as if something yet to be here. So I won't publish it here. 5:54 am not a Bad time Soon a triplet will appear on clock.
Yeah its here 555 thats an Asian sign of laugh. But I don't laugh as u guys know well I have a tiring day ahead I must sleep, Or Just try it again. A lyrical pen off 5:59

Taare tod tod maheli tu saja laye
Saddi Kulli Deeva vi na jag ge
Saddeyan naina cho needan khon waliye
Aankh teri vi na Lag ge.

Lost in words. MY WORDS

Finally I got myself a title "Love Fucked". That loyalty still lies in this Heart but love vanished Addictness is a wierd effecting both sides. I guess no one is more poor than but it feels real, no one there to Betray or to fool you. Some playlists in some devices, a bag and some body covers thats my wealth now.
I'm living for words and want to be alive in words always. I was lost in thoughts this Evening I took pen and note I started writing without knowing without correction. before my pen down I got this, I'll share this for someone lost.

My Words as my Page is titled.
here it goes!

Lokki kehndey ne main khush Han,
Kuchh wekhde ne akhan meri che dard mera,
Kaiyan ne Labya Mainu tuteya hoeya,
Shayad onna sareya che waseya Rabb ae.
Kyunki main tan ajj tak khud nu ni Labya.

It's translation in English
People says I'm happy,
some Sees pain in my eyes,
Some Finds me Broken,
They must be living Angel.
Because I still Find my Lost...

All for today head is killing me I must sleep now.

Sad start of the day.

After Ages I'm posting something in day light. After spending entire night reading emails. I got the matter for my post, it's been long I'm out on the roads travelling living a hobo life forgetting the family factor of life.
What's the reason? One should be man of words, man of promises. Its time to be strongly stable on the promise, So I am.
Sometimes I feel this life is Really good for me. What's the point of Spending life having a bed of eight by eight when you can't sleep at night. Even now I don't sleep, but I'm not wasting its utility. Complaining to life or finding lack points would be a looser thing.

"That I'm not
But unfortunately I am"

The only person I kept higher than me, even that showed I'm below her. All Game of Life
I will live to optimum now. The only thing makes me laugh is word "Love" 555+. I hate to hear this word especially from you, for me or for anyother human being, caring for words was never there in your nature.
I saw a movie In February last if im not Wrong, there was a beautiful Saying by my favourite. here it goes

There are four questions of value in life...
What is sacred?
Of what is the spirit made?
What is worth living for,
and what is worth dying for?
The answer to each is the same. Only love.

I believe the Last Question is most Meaningful including its answer, now Let me pay you for the Love. I've been disappointed with me Family and someone particular. "Vishal" How Dare you? You never Follows my word I told you to keep everyone quite but you yourself Screwing things this way. Leave her alone Nowwwww
Blaming or Sparing is in the hands of one who Suffered, others should keep their asses out.

Paa neevin kolon langh jana,
Main akh tere wall nai chakkni!

Jo apne vichale wahi tun,
Main bhull k leek nai tappni!

Yaari da lekha jokha tun ,
Jad marji kar layin ni balliye!

Gam rakh laye teri “Gran” ne,
Teri hor cheej koi nai rakhni!

Hath ucchian attarian nu paya naion jana,
Tun tan teesan wala ber, sathon laya naion jana!

Taithon rahe khade nazar milayi naion jani,
Saathon agge ho ho k bulaya naion jana!

Taithon shohratan di uchi kandh tapp naion honi,
Saathon palla badnami ton chhudaya naion jana!

Ik nadi de kinare “Mehra” kadon milde,
Ni tein jaan k nai aauna te saathon aya naion jana!

And here is the meaning of it in English,
I shall keep looking down and cross you,
But won’t raise my eyes and look at you!
The line of seperation that you have drawn between us,
I shall not pass over it even by mistake!
Whenever you feel like, come and do the audit of this love that who got what,
I have just kept all the pains given by you, nothing else of you I shall keep with me!
It would be impossible to touch the sky scrappers for me!
You are a fruit over the most tallest branch which is far from my reach!
You won’t be able to look into my eyes standing over the road,
I won’t step forward and call you!
You won’t be able to jump over the wall of fortune of yours,
And I won’t be able to get rid of the insult that I have faced!
You won’t come by wish,
And I won’t be able to come because of my helplessness

> Disappointed

Speechless

At times, you come across some thing which just shakes you and leaves you speechless! To do so, the writing must be really good and should be depicting the emotion, whatever it may be, really well. And there is no other emotion better than pain. And when the pain is not just any other pain but the pain that one gets from their beloved, there is just nothing which can match its intensity, its deepness. That pain, those cries, those tears which come in the eyes all of a sudden when you are sitting alone thinking about some painful words that were said to you by none other than your beloved, some things done by your beloved which did hurt you so much but they still did them despite knowing that they are hurting you, there are not many things or words, which can explain that pain truly. Yes all this and much much more is there which just can’t be explained with any wording. I came across such a poetic masterpiece few days back and got spell bounded by it.

These lines depict the pain of heart broken guy saying these lines to his beloved who have left him and gone. Though she has given him nothing but pains, nothing but cries, still he loves and cares for her and is asking her to write back to him when she would feel that pain herself too. The whole poetry is just mind blowing but it would need a lot to understand, feel the pain hidden behind the words. If you have not tasted those tears of pain, probably you may just read it like any other poetry and it would not make any difference for you. But if you have already been through (and still there) in those valleys of  pain, you would understand truly what these lines are saying. If these all doesn’t make any sense for you, I would suggest to still read them again and again and I am sure, at some point, you would realize how much pain they are hiding within them?
Its in Punjabi and I shall translate it in English too. Have a read first of the Punjabi version,

Bhulekhe naal je mein yaad aayaa taan likhee meinu
kite mehndi de rangaan ne jalaayaa taan likhee meinu!

Havaa de vaang mein vi ikk bhatkadaa khaab is tera,
kite is ne achaanak aa jagaayaa taan likhee meinu!

Nahin mildee muhabbat jadon lorh hundee hei is dee
kade ese tasuvar ne sataayaa taan likhee meinu!

Mein taan maaruthalaan dee ret daa hi ikk musafir haan
je meree peirh ‘chon rukh punghar aayaa taan likhee meinu!

Barhe change see oh din khedade see ralke jad aapaan
kade is yaad ne tenu rulaayaa taan likhee meinu!

Je mein tere khyaalaan vich aje vee haan kite baakee
kade izhaar dil ne karnaa chahyaa taan likhee meinu!

Samen da har sitam manzorr hei “Mehra” nu ae yaaraa
magar je is ne tera dil dukhaayaa taan likhee meinu!

By: Sukhdarshan Dhaliwal

And here is its translation in English,

If by any chance, you would recall me, write to me,
If ever colors of Henna would burn you, write to me!

Like thin air, I was too just a stray dream of yours,
If some one would come and wake you up from that dream, write to me!

One doesn’t get love when he needs it the most,
If ever this thought would come and trouble you, write to me!

I am just a lonely traveler over sands of deserts,
If ever some thing would grow that path I traveled, write to me!

Those were just the best days when we used to play together,
If ever that memory would hurt you, write to me!

If I am still alive in your thoughts some where,
And if you ever wish to express those thoughts, write to me!

I am ready to face any punishment given by the hands of this destiny,
But if it ever comes and hurts you, write to me!

Signing off --
05:40+ Am

Pain Of Love Written With Truly Awesome Precision….

At times, some lines, some poetries depict truly what you are feeling. It doesn’t happen very often though! I happened to be in a very bad and upsetting mood today and what I saw in my mail left me with this.
Well, If you have ever been hurt by your loved ones, ever it happened that love has hurt you, leaving you just a body without soul who appears to be alive but actually its dead, you would love it! Unfortunately, I don’t know who is the writer of this poetry so I would urge if anyone knows, do let me know via comments and I shall put his/her name here because credit must go where its due! The actual poetry is a mix of Hindi and Urdu. I shall put the English translation as well.

Ye kaun doob gaya aur ubhaar gaya mujh mein,
Yun kaun saaye ki suraat guzar gaya mujh mein!

Ye kis ke sog main shorida-haal phirta hun,
Wo kuan shakhs tha aisa k mar gaya mujh mein!

Ajab hawa-e-baharaa ne chara-saazi ki,
Wo zakhm jis ko na bharana tha bhar gaya mujh mein!

Wo shaqs jo pathhar sa jee raha hai abhi,
Jo aaina tha wo bikhar gaya mujh mein!

Misaal kya k wo jab bhi kareeb say guzara,
Yun laga k koi raqs kar gaya mujh main!

Wo saath tha to ajab dhuup chaaon rehti thi,
Bas ab to ek hi mausam thehar gaya mujh mein!

And here is the translation of it in English,
This is who who has sinked inside and reflecting in me?
Who is this who has touched me like a shadow!

In whose mourns I am lost and wandering desperate for love,
Who was that person inside me who is just dead now!

That person who appears to be alive is like a stone now,
That mirror is broken now which used to be inside of mine!

What to say, when she walked beside me,
It felt that inside of mine started dancing!

When she was with me, this sunshine and shadow appeared like a magic,
Now just one weather only is there inside of mine!

I really have very strong feeling that I have done a terribly bad job in the translation. So if any corrections are there, please feel free to let them come. About the poem, I don’t think I am capable to say any single word. If you have not tasted the pains of love yet, you may find it nothing. But if you have tasted the tears of your own eyes given not by anyone else but your love, I am sure you would like it! For me.

Hope you would like just as much as I did!

Still Living !!

I've been lost? Yes, I know I apologise but having a strong reason for not being available. As you all know my chest been in bad condition since the year started but in last some days ache reached Bad to worst, it even resulted in breathing problem day before.
I've been resting on bed whole day, thats the reason being an owl I'm up at this Clock strike. Pain is Gone I punctured myself with an injection and that wasnt appropriate, because of it my hand is swelling now.
I must get my earning as soon as possible and continue the AS course its symptoms are reaching the upper body.
Enough of my haal, I'm alive for now
You guys live well & do reach me before I die.
Granmehra@gmail.com
Only option, No Cell no contact

The Story of Gran SD "which Can't be Narrated"

Some times, even when you give all your love to someone, give her all the love, care, affection that is possible, yet she picks up her Unloyalty than you. Even though you cry in front of her because of all what she did, she still doesn’t care a bit even about it and without any shame tells you that she has nothing to do with you, your tears don’t mean anything, it hurts! It hurts way much more than words can describe or voice can narrate! Yet some times, you come across such incidents, poetries which just depict that pain flawlessly. If you ever got hurt by your own love even when you loved her more than anything else in this world, you would love the following lines. Have a read,

Jab Kabhi chahe andheron me ujale usne,
Kar diya ghar mera sholon ke hawale usne!

Us pe khul jati mere shaunq ki shiddat sari,
Dekhe hote jo mere paon ke chaale usne!

Jis ka har aieb zamane se chupaya maine,
Mere kisse Sar-E-Bazar uchale usne!

Jab usey meri mohabbat par bharosa hi na tha,
Kyon diye meri wafaon ke hawale usne!

Ek mera hath hi na thama us ne ” SD “
Warna girtey to kitne hi sambhale usne!

And here is the translation of it in English,
Whenever she wanted light for her,
She just  lit my home on fire!

She would had understood the intensity of my love,
If she would had seen the wounds over my feet!

Whose every sin, every wrong thing, I did hide from this world,
She only went and spoke bad about me to the entire world!

When she never had faith over my love,
Why did she gave references of it to all?

It is just me whose hand she didn’t hold,
Otherwise she did give shoulder to many others!

I don’t think that there is anything that I can write to add something to it. As I said, some pains are not capable to be told in words, some wounds are not visible from outside and some tears don’t come out from eyes. Only those who have felt those pains, who have been hurt by their loved ones, only they can feel that what happens when none other than that person whom you loved so much hurts you and still feels no regret for doing so but claims that is right! It seems people forget that in love, its not “I” but “us” and its not “my happiness” but “ours”!

Zikr tere Mere LAFZAN che.

Some times, there are some things which are not explainable by words. Even when one tries really hard enough to explain through wording, all those efforts just fail. If you are thinking that what can be such emotion which is not explainable by words than the answer of that is pain. Out of all, only pain is that such emotion which even words can’t describe properly. And when that pain is given to one by that person whom he loved more than his own self than it becomes even more harder to tell someone what’s the reason of those tears which at times come in the eyes. Its not possible to explain in any words that why one feels alone even when the whole world is there? Its not possible to express that pain caused by those broken pieces of heart which pierce into the soul all the time reminding that this is the punishment of trusting, loving , caring for some one for whom love was not much than a wardrobe which one wears for some time and after that, just throws away in a corner. Only that person can truly understand this who has tasted the same poison. Those who cause this pain and these tears to others, for them its nothing and they never can understand even what it feels like to hide in the corner of your room and cry when you see that someone who is having wounds, not on his body but on his soul, how would you see those hidden pains? How you would look beyond what’s visible? The answer of this lies in those eyes which despite being quite will reveal it all. Look in those eyes who would tell you that when pains go beyond the limits of tolerance, how would one feel? Don’t get fooled by the smile of someone. Remember, smile can be fade but eyes never tell a lie, even when you want them to do so!

I got the following lines in an email. I am not sure who wrote these lines but I must say that whosoever did it, has done it in just an awesome manner! What that heart feels who got crushed under the feet of that person whom it was keeping safe inside of it,  is explained just so very beautifully here. These are in Hindi and I have attempted to explain the meaning in English as well.
Have a read, first in Hindi,

Mujhe aazmaane waale, mujhe aazma k roye,
Meri daastaan-e-hasrat suna suna k roye!

Teri bewafaion par, teri kaj adaion par,
Kabhi sar jhuka kar, kabhi munh chhupa kar roye!

Jo suani anjumann mein shab-e-gham ki aapbeeti,
Kabhi ro k muskraye, kabhi muskra k roye!

Main hun bin Dil musafir, naam mera Mehra hai,
Mera koi bhi nahin jo gala laga k roye!

Mere paas se guzare mujhe undekha kar k,
Main yeh kaise maan lun k wo duur ja kar roye!

And here is the meaning of it in English,
Those who wanted to test me, after testing me they cried,
While reciting my tale, every moment they cried!

At times on your betrayals, at time on your unfaithful attitude,
I cried some time with my head down, some time covering my face!

When I depicted my tale of the sad night,
Smiled some times after crying, some times cried after smiles!

I am no one, my name is curse,
There is no one whom I can hug and cry!

She passed by side without even looking at me,
How can I believe she did cry after going at some distance!

I have only few days and there is still a lot left for me to do. I am done with my evening meal and now, a busy-yet-not-busy evening continues.

Sanu Har Thaan Rajj Ke Bhandeya Tu,
Kayi Vaar Naagne Dangeya Tu,

Koi Zulma Di Vi Hadh Hundi Kitho Tak Banda Jar Janda,
Jinne Dukh Saanu Tu Ditte Ni Koi Hor Hunda Te Mar Janda.

Kayi Vaar Tu Mode Khat Saade, Kayi Vaar Nishaniya Mangiya Tu,
Manaiyan Sda Hi Kr-Kr Ke Sab Sadhra Sooli Tangiya Tu,

Assi Pyaar De Vich Sab Seh Laiyan Hunda Hor Kinara Kar Janda,
Jinne Dukh Saanu Tu Ditte Ni Koi Hor Hunda Te Mar Janda.

Tu Saadi ae bas Saadi ae Assi Maan Tere Te Kardey Rahe,
Saada Sda Majak Udaya Tu Assi Oh Vi Hass Hass Jarde Rahe,

Tainu Pyaar Na Kreya Je Hunda Har Dosh Tere Ser Dhar Janda,
Jinne Dukh Saanu Tu Ditte Ni Koi Hor Hunda Te Mar Janda.

Har Waqt Sochde Rehne Aa Ki Pyaar Saade Vich Khaami Si,
Dene Si Zakham Je "mehra" Nu Pehla Ni Bharni Haami Si,

Tutteya Dil Roe Hi Sakda Ae Jado Jitt Ke Baazi Har Janda,
Jinne Dukh Saanu Tu Ditte Ni Koi Hor Hunda Te Mar Janda.

It's one of my Favourite Track. It goes so true on you and on me too afterall it artist is of my known, I can’t call him my friend but yes a Good known.
He is one of the best Slow Romantic singer, I used to talk to him but since long I'm not in touch with him. His words makes me go through those 3 months and 3 years of my False hope.
Some words are with so much Depth that their translation is impossible. Work under maintenance.

Finally baba ji got me here.

Ik tere sahara mil jae Daata duniya di Parwaah na karda. I Wish to stay here for whole life even after death. All Gurudware gives same satisfaction I don't compare but here I feel like being home. See u got me here

Being Sad, Upset & Shattered

1:35 Am I don't think it's a bad time to start Writing but swearing there's nothing on my mind, Heart Is Disturbed still the mind is transparent with no thoughts. I'm trying to give it a Chance to live back, Once Again!

Jitni shiddatt se mujhe usne zakhm diye hain,
Itni shiddatt se to maine use chaha bhi na tha!

And here is its meaning in English,
With the  intensity she gave me all the wounds,
I even didn’t love her with that intensity!

I tried to sleep but I can’t. Those few who know me well, they are aware about this that its not a new thing to be heard for them. I don’t know whether its right or not to say because someone said to me that its too early to mention it but I feel, this year has not started well. I may be wrong but that’s what the feeling in my heart is at the moment and I am so wishing that this must be incorrect because I'm running out of energy to face things I am facing already!

I met one other friend of mine after a long time, who has lost himself completely, thanks to his gal who very “easily” broke his heart, found someone else and now is getting married to him! He is crushed! While talking to me today, I guess, almost in every 2 minutes he was stopping to make sure that he won’t cry in front of me! But I could feel a lump in his throat all the time. I didn’t know what to say to him except this that don’t cry! I wanted to say that it would be fine but it sounded like a white lie and I just couldn’t say it at all! Its never going to be fine with him I know for sure!

I don’t have words to explain what’s going on inside me.All I can say that today,  being sad, upset and shattered is something which took over me completely and I can’t see any way out from their grip at the moment as well!
Today wasn’t any exception as I am  feeling so weak. By the time I am back in the hotel, I am in the position that I can fall anywhere. May be its too much roaming around that I am doing since last months. Not sure what is there? So what’s the exception that I am writing at  midnight today, you may ask! well, no other reason but that same, I can’t sleep. After spending almost 3 hours on the back, turning upside down, there is no sleep in my eyes. There are so many thoughts in the mind, so many things going on that even though I am feeling so damn tired, I am still not able to get sleep for few moments even! I have to reach CP tomorrow but lack of bucks will be creating problem, I must checkout hotel room tomorrow. I can't afford another night stay here, I'm fond of few moments eye closed rest nothing more.

So what to do when you are not able to sleep? Read poetry and listen to music! I am doing the same right now despite knowing that its not going to get me sleep but will make me more awake! And sometimes, you get across something which shakes your soul even. I don’t know to call me lucky or unlucky that at this moment when I was already not able to sleep and was getting bombarded with painful thoughts, I came across a playlist of Sadsongs!

Naveyan de sang jado langi sadey kol di,
Ni tu ki jane dil te jo beetiyan
Aakhda Mehrean da Gran dub janiye ni tu saade naal changiyan ni keetiyan.
Je tu karna si kalle nu laachar Vairne kyun laiyaan
Chad jana si adh vich kaar Vairne kyun laiyaan.

There was a time my madness was on heights. Broken expectations gave a back breaking fall in life. At a time all the romantics were for me but now the full section of Sad romantics accepts to me to be in them, to imagine my love life in them.

Na jaane dhoondtey ho Kya meri viraan aankhon Mein,
Chupa rakhe Hum ne to kayi tufaan aankhon Mein!

Kahan who shokhiyan pehlay Si,ab kuch bhi nahin baaqi,
Chale aaye ho tum Kya khojne in be-jaan aankhon mein!

Kisi ka haath lekar haath mein jab tum mile hum se,
To kaise toot ke bikhra tha mera mann aankhon mein!

Na samjho chup hain to tum se koi shikwa nahi baaqi,
Hum apne dard Ki nahi rakhte koi pehchaan aankhon mein!

Mile the baad muddat k humein tum ajnabi ban Kar,
To kaise dard na Uthte meri hairaan aankhon mein!

Nahi ab phir se Koi raafta rakhne se kuch haasil,
Ke ab dafna diye hum ne sabhi armaan in aankhon Mein!

And here is the translation in English for the same,
Not sure what you are looking for in my lonely eyes,
There are just so many storms hidden beneath these eyes!

There is no innocence left in these eyes anymore,there is nothing else left,
What you have come to look for in these lifeless eyes!

When holding hands of someone else you met me,
You don’t know how did my heart crushed into pieces beneath these eyes!

Don’t think that if I am silent, there are no grudges for you,
No signs of my pain I keep anymore in these eyes!

When even after so long, you met me like a complete stranger,
Than how come pain won’t come in my surprised eyes!

There is no benefit of keeping anything now,
As I have just buried all of my wishes beneath these eyes!

I don’t know what else I should add to above said? I guess this world is now full of those for whom, their own self matters the most than anyone else, including those as well who love them, care for them! May be that’s why people don’t really look beyond what they think is right for them, even when it may mean to break someone’s heart like breaking a cup of tea. Anyways, all I know is that if there are many who don’t even think for a moment before leaving their beloved ones for what their own wishes and benefits(me), there are still few who have left the whole world for that one person whom they loved truly, madly and deeply(me?). That’s another fact altogether that out of those very few, there are again some very very selective lucky ones who got someone who understood this gesture of them. For the rest of the people, tears, pains and cries become their soul mates for the eternity and that’s what is the fortune of most who does the crime of being in love!

Tasveer khichwao ohna naal, jihna nu tusin v yaad ravo!
Jihna naal khichande saare, ohna naal khichan da ki faida!

And its meaning is,
you should get  a snap with that person who also is going to remember you and your name. What’s the worth of getting one with that person with whom entire world takes one and he doesn’t know even the name of any of them?
True isn’t it?

Don't let your hopes destroyed by those who are without it.

I never know what my life is, why im still alive, no reason to suffer or survive. Living a life with no one Ahead or behind so alone so lonely. But its best I don't have to share my secrests, pains, problems with anyone. Where I am? I'm not aware of anything
At a her Place, I guess. Here "Her" is my friend, my heads is killing since so long & Don't know where is she I don't have her No. wants to talk to her

Abhi zameer mein thodi si jaan baaqi hai,
Abhi humara koi imetehaan baaqi hai!

And its meaning in English is,

There is some what life left in my  conscience of mine,
There are still tests that I have to go through

After spending a night sleeping on bed after so long feels relax, Idiot girl locked me with facilities. She called doctor he gave another good news I have high BP and severe migraine attack should I thank her or fight but all help with kind heart are to be accepted.

A tribute to some mentioned in my blogs name

Uske sapnon ko poora karne ki zidd thi meri,
Usne azaadi maangi aur maine khud ko mita diya!

And here is its translation in Engish,

I was committed to make her every single dream come true,
She asked from me freedom and I got myself destroyed!

just another sad love post

After spending Sleepless last night sitting on roadside and watching the dawn at morning it made my heart light but that relief doesn't lasted for long. She is Pretty powerful and second most influencing person after my Baba ji.
Ik numbr te assi rabb nu si rakheya
Dooje numbr te ni mai naam tera jappeya
Rabb de barabar di jagah na tu samjhi
Hor das peeche ki sawaal reh gaya.

Day been pity shit I must say (No study, No work)but head still full of nonsense. I remember someone once told me "a Person can work 4 times better if he is angry" but for me even this fails I'm not able to find any point to get angry, my anger starts with my decreasing self respect through the negative phase of my self respect, it ends up with a laugh on my face with the thought of killing myself. I felt as someone missing me but I guess that would be no other than my mom.
I'm blind or a dumbass I myself don't know. I guess being a Non-abusive or non-harassing partner are an omen to you that your relation won't last for long, Being a loyal heart world will return you with a many hearts but in pieces. I've lived my life of a lover and have got what never wanted but thats what all have to ever got.

Not in mood to lead it more, took more than 12 hours to right this. :(

Downfall in Life.

Being mind fucked since days. Finally I made my mind to get my MRI scan done after a week of severe ache in chest.
Living like a hobo its weird reason being unknown its so very weird. Living like this is better than ever but take a lot from me bank balance is almost down as floor and my self esteem is at negative but It provided me a place better than home "Gurudwaras" feels like living there Always, I earns there most precious earning its an only place on earth that doesn't cost you for Pleasure no where else I've ever found this, those images those msges, those thoughts, those mind diverts nothing at all is heavy than the eye of Him. But being unwell living a life of half dead on a  hospital bed for Thirty nine days. Blood samples, scans, routine pills, injection punctures & still Pain in times without earnings and decreasing savings. All saved sum was for one reason and that reason is dead now. So it had to go in some direction still feels its going towards you, you must be really happy.
No dreams no savings no fulfilment
Dead me dead hope even hearts dead.

Bhatthi walie chambe diye daaliye, Peeran da paraga bhun de
Tainu dewaan hanjuan da bhaara, Peeran da paraga bhun de

Translation

Oh flower of jasmine, you own the oven, bake me one lot of pain
I’ll pay you in terms of tears, bake me one lot of pain

Being in this illusionary Idioticness I waited for someone who doesnt Exist, Faulty was me all the time not just one or Two I gave chance four times how could I be so. Solving worlds love life I never saw that my lover returns but that Guilt is always together with her. My effect on her was just Transparent, nothing ever stayed

Marr mukeyan toh jeen de sawaal puchchdi
Wichon khush h tu utton dukha naal puchchdi
ni pat jhadan wich patteyan daa haal pooch di ea
" tu jaan jaan ke ni "

Meaning and English Translation

u ask the questions of life from an almost dead
u ask with a sad face being happy inside
u ask leaves their condition in period of decline
u do it knowingly!!

Quite late, I need to eat something my living days are still On, its not my home need to get back on time before Gates are  locked...

Tere sehar nu Sakda kar Challey
jeeti hoye baazi harr challey.
Nai auna kade fer palat ke
Sangdi marr jeyengi
Ja Saadey warga pyaar Kamaliye
labhdi marr jeyengi.

Translation someother Time

Pinners are all around...

Feeling to share some happening with me, its quite late but for a post no time is bad after all I can write all burning words and share bleeding heart.
days passing well study sessions and part time is for work. But being well never suits me pinners are all over around me just ended my study session and there was a miss call on my cell phones screen as I took the power plug off another incoming call was on the device. New number means no name, I never attend any unknown calls but the non alert/rational part of my heart made me answer the call. Here diversion came
After a silent of 13 seconds being on call a calm hello in girls voice came from other side. I was unknown stayed quite another hello then a name N_____ as I was enough alert to understand this Fucked up in first silence. Their conversation lead on the call I stay quite after 2:53 min call was Disconnected from other side. People give buzzes to others of their Existence but sometimes these buzz amounts to disturbance nothing more.

Last words are to be remembered always I only asked one thing from her. I guess she never bothered niether listened my words. I just said.
" you being Disloyal with me is a Lesson because high expectations results in hurtful fall , just try to be loyal to him"
Hard for her I Guess

Chad parran waffa diyan gallan nu
Avein kyun shartaan launi ae
tenu vekh lawa'nge
tu kitho tak waffa nibhaundi ae.
When peoples are aware of their Charge/effect on others they don't wait to test it again and again making the relation and Respect down every time.

Sun bahutian aklan waliye ni tere sadey ser ilzaam bade
Bas kar sun ley hun sadi vi assi hoeye an badnaam bade
Kuj kehn toh pehlan puchh lendi ik Waar khaloky mere toh
Chehrey tan padhne aundey si dill padh ni hoeya tere toh.
I always feel bad that she understand punjabi, I want my words to be unread, with no meaning ,just a post with nothing to be understood.
I didn't notice the time it's really late though I took a good time in writing. Now heart is Light but heavy head is in pain. I must sleep now because there's always a tomorrow ahead.

Lyrical PEN-OFF

My page is more a lyrical page. What you guys say? Being a broken heart if your not a good music listener, you can't enjoy the pain at all.
"Enjoying the pain" I know I'm sounding  wierd but by reading this you'll get to know.
"Love leaves a memory that no one can steal, but it also leaves a pain that no can heal"
That's what I was talking about. Well moving on is beautiful option for one being broken in love, but some idiot loyals or mad stuckeds are on sucha stage where there's no way ahead at all. So making imagination deeper and yourself strong rely on songs "Sad songs" is best to help youself to get a Good sleep every Night.
Imagine, curse, love, feel, cry, miss or forget. Songs will help you with each next play
It's my own case that's why I can share it with a heavy heart. Heavy coz its full off her _______________________________.
Forgetting it. I would love to share some of my favourite songs lyrics. They reliefs me even kills me but never both on same time. Here are some.

If you says that you have a Good collection of Sad romantics and you don't have tracks of "Sabar koti" then your collection is Incompleted.

#1
I just heard a song very first time it was in my playlist and I wasn't ever aware of and guess what it's a Sabar koti's song.

Ik ik pal    -    Sabar koti 

tutte dil da sanu das jandi
Koi na koi daaru ni
zindagi te tere Mehra di
hun ghum ho gaye ne bharu ni.
tere pyaar di baaji jitt de jitt de harde haan
Tu aisi thokkar maar gayi
asin ajj vi haunke bharde haan.

#2
Each word of this track deserves to be here.

Tera Dard     -     Sabar Koti
Paer paer uttey mile Dhokhe nahion bhulne
Wich barsaatan mile soeke nahion bhulne
Dil kamla see tere layee tabah ho geya
Tera dard hee sadey layee dawah ho geyaa
Nee tera Dard Hee---

Sama vekh sajjna ne rang kiddhan badle
Pehlan waley rahe naa oh dhangg kiddhan badley
Kivein ikk ikk chah sooli chaa ho geya
Tera dard hee sadey layee dawah ho geya Nee tera Dard hee------

Aapey roeney deke daeindey aapey hee dilasey ne
Mehra ajj oh hee khooh de piasey ne
Naa dil waley saafey tohn mita ho geya
Tera dard hee sadey layee dawah ho gayeya
Nee tera Dard hee------

#3
I won't bore you much but this track is my favourite it suit my life and condition of my heart it speaks the truth in Rhythmic Sence.

Dilla Toon     -     Sabar Koti

Bada maan Ae tenu Waadeyan te
odhe jhootey kood iraadeyan te
Nahi bahauti der di gal
Bharam ta tut hi jaana ae
Na haddo Wad da ja Dilla Toon tut hi jaana ae

Roe roe mazbooriyan dasse gi
gal lag ke tere ve
Je ho sakeya Mainu maaf karien
Kuj Vas na mere ve
Tenu raahan vich rullan Layi
Os ne sut hi jaan ae
Na haddo Wad da ja dill Toon tut hi jaana ae